Blogging: Chapter 2
Hello everyone, and Happy New Year! I’m sure you’re surprised to see a post from me today after two and half years of silence. Before I jump in, I want to thank everyone who followed my blog religiously back in 2011 and 2012. I can’t believe that was almost four years ago! A time when I felt inspired and hopeful. I felt ready to take on the world, and take control of my health and my happiness. Take control of my life. For a year and half, I managed this blog, A Choice For Health, with both passion and enthusiasm. Inspiring others (I hope) to make better choices for their lives and their health as I made changes in mine.
But then something happened. Something changed. The gremlins began to creep back in, and I began to slip and buckle under pressure and self-doubt. The intense focus on food became unhealthy. I’ve read many health and food blogs, where authors proclaim that starting their blogs helped them overcome an eating disorder. For me, it was the opposite. I was in denial about my disordered eating patterns, which began to resurface. I thought I was fine. But then as I struggled to plan, write, cook, photograph etc., I became overwhelmed. And, perhaps it was related, perhaps not. But depression set in, and my fears and rules around food increased 10 fold. And the blog became too much to handle.
And honestly, the last few years have been a challenge. Perhaps the most challenging of my life. But I’m happy, and proud to say that I’ve made great progress, and I’m feeling that hope again. The inspiration to write, and share, and inspire.
To look back, and compare then to now, it would appear that my life is very much the same. I’m living in the same town and working in the same job. I’m still 30 pounds overweight and have a hard time making exercise a consistent habit. I haven’t written my novel, or gone back to school, or started that health coaching business I had planned on.
And yet I know that I am a very different person then I was four years ago. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs as I worked to find a healthy footing. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m excited to get back to writing and share the journey I’ve been on to make a healthier world.
One choice at a time.
After today, I don’t want to spend too much time dwelling in the past. Which is why I’ve archived the old posts. However, in reactivating the blog, I came across my very first piece, and the words have just as much power today as they did four years. If not more. And as different as I am today, I still want to be healthy. Still want to be happy. Still want to be the best woman I can. Still want to be the change I wish to see in the world.
It’s an exciting place to be, taking that first step. Thanks for joining me in this next chapter of
A Choice For Health. Let’s see where it goes.
Be The Change…
February 12, 2011 – The original post
For over ten years now, I have been engaged in a pretty serious battle with myself. As is the case (unfortunately) with most women, I have been unhappy with my body for a very long time. In my personal quest for the holy grail (ie. a super hot, fit and socially acceptable body) I have done many things I am not proud of. Crash dieting, calorie restriction, diet pills, and the list could go on and on. I do this to myself, and yet when I hear the same stories coming from other women, I am horrified.
It wasn’t until recently that I realized how poisonous a negative body image can be to society at large. It’s common place for women to band together and bash their bodies. “My thighs are too big, my boobs are too small, my eyes are too close together…or insert your personal favorite here__________. It’s so common, and so accepted that most of us don’t even hear it anymore…it’s just a standard topic. It certainly was for me. And then I had one of those awakening moments. You know what I’m talking about…an event that hits you like a ton of bricks and has the potential to change your life. My beautiful niece, who just celebrated her second birthday, said the word “fat.” I was stunned. But more than that, I was overwhelmed with sadness. Of course she has no idea what she’s saying…doesn’t know what the word means. But at two years old she only has a few words in her vocabulary. Mama, Dada, Cat, Dog…and Fat? I’ve known for a while that I want to change my own self image in order to better my life. But at that moment, I realized how imperative it is that we change the culture around health and body image for all women…especially those following in the next generation.
It’s interesting, or perhaps ironic, that I am currently studying to become a holistic health coach. In a few short weeks, I will be certified to help and coach others reach their health goals. And yet, I am notorious for hating my own body, and harboring a negative self-image. However, over the course of the past year, and through my studies, I have had the opportunity to look at the world through new eyes. I’ve developed a passion for helping women see their own self-worth beyond the number on the scale and past the size of their jeans. And yet I don’t allow myself the same latitude. But the time has come for me to choose health instead of hatred. I know I’m setting the bar pretty high with this next line, but I have decided, to quote Gandhi – that I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. I want to create a world where women have the ability to see their own beauty, to embrace their gifts, and empower others to do the same. But it has to start with me.
The power of choice is amazing. Every day we get to choose how we want to live. And as much as we may or may not want to believe it, our choices affect those around us. We can be an example of health with every choice we make. Join me as I navigate my way through this ever confusing world we call “health,”making choices to improve my life, and hopefully the lives of the women around me.
Every day, we are granted the power to make thousands of choices. And with those choices, we have the power to change the world.