I’ve been debating whether or not to post today. All I seem to want to do is share some really big exciting news…but something holds me back. Almost as if I’m afraid to make it public, for fear that it won’t come true. I think it’s a fear that I’ve had most of my life, tied to that pesky (and often crippling) voice of perfectionism. What if I say I’m going to do something, and then I don’t? Then I have to tell everyone I failed, right? Better to not say anything at all, and then quietly lick my wounds if it doesn’t work out.
I think it’s time – in the words of one of the wisest women I know – to feel my fear, and do it anyway. Because really, it’s pretty big news.
On Friday last week, I was offered a new job with a company in Chicago. I’ve known for a long time that I needed to make this change. But job searching is such a daunting task. I mean you walk into it knowing that 99% of the time, you’re going to be rejected. It’s a lot like dating in that respect. Which is also something I’ve been doing a lot of lately. Talk about a double whammy in the self esteem department!
I’ve accepted the offer, signed the letter, and I put in my notice. News is starting to trickle around my office, though it won’t be announced until tomorrow (sorry to my co-workers who are finding out through this post – try not to be too gossipy today 🙂
So if it’s official, what am I so afraid of? Why didn’t I want to talk about it?
Honestly, I’m not sure. Like I said before…I think it’s tied to fear of failure, or disappointing others. But in giving into that fear, I rob myself of the chance to celebrate a huge milestone in my life. And I rob those around me of the chance to do so as well. I love to celebrate my friends and family…so it stands to reason they would feel the same. But it’s not thing something that women are typically good at, are we? It feels conceited to want to be celebrated. But we all do. We all want to feel good about our choices and our successes. And, on the flip side, it’s probably just as important for people to know about our “failures.” I think life gets easier the more honest we are with each other. Then we know that we’re not in this thing alone.
So regardless of how this all works out, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, and celebrating success today. How exciting it feels to enjoy to moment, and look forward to turning the page and starting a new chapter!
Wish me luck.