I woke up today, and thought to myself, “What would happen if I tried writing again?” Not exactly sure what prompted this thought. Perhaps seeing a recurring charge on my credit card reminded me that yes, once, way back when, I used to enjoy writing. I used to put things out there for the public (or at least my small audience) to see. I used to tell my story, hoping that it would impact other people’s lives, and give them courage to seek change in their own.
So, I attempted to log in to my site, barely remembering the username or password, and unsure if the associated email address would even be accessible. But getting through those hurdles, I was able to see a different time in my life. It has, after all, been four years since I’ve written anything. And what a challenging and changing four years it has been. The last post I see on this blog describes my battle with depression. And I’m still living with it, and as a result, it often feels like I’m a failure and haven’t made any progress with this illness at all. But depression can do that to a person. It can take away the past, and provide constant doubts about the future. And yet, I’m still here, trying to give myself credit for continuing down a healing path.
Now, the truth is, a simple credit card charge spurring a renewed interest in the written word is not the whole story. Two weeks ago, a dear friend of mine died suddenly. I’ve had relatives pass away, but for some reason, this death was exceptionally hard for me. I think because one day she was in my life and gone the next without any notice at all. I’ve never seen that before. I’ve seen death of the elderly and the very sick. But Sally was only 70, and in good health. And then she was just gone.
She lived a very interesting life. In going to her prayer service, as well as the funeral, I had the pleasure of learning more about her, and being in awe of her determination and commitment to making the world a better place. And yet, as a depressed person, I often can’t see my impact on the world, and believe I have nothing to give back. But an acquaintance of mine pulled me aside and asked me a very poignant question. She said, “Katie, what will you do with your one precious and unrepeatable life?”
Your one precious and unrepeatable life.
Where will this blog take me? Who knows. It needs a lot of work, as technology has changed dramatically in four years. But the meantime, all I can say is that I hope the words continue to flow. And I hope that perhaps it will, even if it’s just a little bit, inspire people to make some kind of change to better the world.